Tinder-Benders on I Am The F-Bomb!

Please check out my piece on Tinderisms, up now on I Am The F-Bomb!

http://www.iamthefbomb.com/personal-story-tinder-benders/

Here's some excerpts:

Maybe it’s the simplicity of it, or the fact that it could be the most perfect social experiment, but it does raise many questions and conundrums.

Why does it have to be so absolute? I’m on this site because I have a problem with commitment, so why am I forced to make an unalterable decision right this second? Yes could lead to a few different scenarios, no would lose that person presumably forever. WHAT IF I’M SWIPING LEFT TO MY SOULMATE?

Here’s the normal anxiety-ridden scenario I face on a daily basis:
Do I like him? Yes or no? Can I put maybe? Can you ask me in like a month when I’m desperate and my standards have been significantly lowered?

He’s hot, but he also seems to really love tribal tattoos and cargo shorts. Can I look past these things because he is actually hot?

Or can he grow a beard – is there potential for a beard? Does he have chest hair? Can I ask him if he has chest hair?

Generally, the profiles you see will constitute a big, fat NOPE in your brain. The app is mostly useful in figuring out what you DON’T like. Or things you thought you didn’t like, but are willing to overlook at this point in your life.

[...]

In my experience with my “matches,” or a dude I’ve swiped right to, who has also swiped right to me, I’d say about 40% of them are freakin’ gross. Like right off the bat, “wanna bang?” (which is a FAR more tame version of some messages I’ve been sent) What the heck, NO?

I feel like I do a pretty good job in weeding out the creeps, but it doesn’t matter if you find a nice, respectable young gentleman smiling next to his maw-maw, he’s still going to be a totally disrespectful weirdo.

Usually, you match with someone and you don’t say anything. Ever. The dude’s profile is just chillin’ there in your arsenal of validation.

I’m old fashioned about my 21st century dating apps, so I expect a guy to message me first. But, I am a modern career woman and I don’t have time for this chivalry, so I need to figure out the perfect ice-breaking line to reel ‘em in. I was thinking, “I don’t have herpes!” That should work.

 

Except, one guy sent me a joke and I didn’t get it and I was embarrassed so I blocked him. I’m sorry, dude.

Here’s some trends I have observed in using the app for about two weeks.

Swipe left for any guy who “lives life to the fullest” or lists “working out” as a hobby.

To guys with pictures and no description: are u tryin 2b mysterious~ or ~aloof~? v cool guy~ ur 2cool4tinder~

A plethora of “positive vibes.” Okay what the hell is a vibe? ~whoa brah, yer vibe man, totally negative man; tubular; gnarly~

First Piece on I Am The F-Bomb!

This is my first contributing piece on I Am The F-Bomb, a Birmingham-based feminist blog that features many amazing women writers who I'm honored to be featured with!

My post is called "Rape Culture at UAB." It highlights the shortcomings, myths, and resources surrounding sexual assault on campus, specifically at my alma mater, the University of Alabama at Birmingham. It also features a short documentary by two amazing film students and a lot of facts and links.

Excerpt:

Does UAB have a rape culture problem? In short, yes. I would wager that very campus does. Download the Yik Yak app or go to a frat party and you’ll hear a plethora of rape jokes and misogynistic statements being tossed around nonchalantly, adding to the victim blaming and trivialization of sexual assault and inevitably encourages women to not report their attack.

Rape culture at UAB becomes a huge problem when its own police force perpetuates it. My first encounter with the UAB Police Department was a female officer at an on-campus Take Back The Night event for SURVIVORS to share their stories, jumping up and scolding young women for “walking around alone at night” and “wearing headphones” when walking on campus. Additionally, on the UABPD’s website, there is a page titled, “Date Rape”  with a lot of problematic wording on it that makes my skin crawl.

[...]

Excuse me, but where is the section for men? Did I miss the part where the UABPD told men, “Hey, if you see a girl passed out on the couch, she legally cannot consent to sex!” or “Just because you take a girl out, even if she kisses you, or flirts with you, even if she’s had sex with you or anyone else a billion times before, does not mean that sex with her should be owed or expected.”

I think that campus safety tips are important, but the UABPD does not realize that women have these cautious behaviors engrained in our every move due to a society that not only ignores, but often condones sexual assault. It is more important to provide useful information instead of judgmental wording.

Click here to read more:
http://www.iamthefbomb.com/rape-culture-at-uab/

Halloween and Dia de los Muertos in Birmingham!

This was actually the only picture I ended up taking on Halloween!

My best friend, Rachel (@ohhirachel), drove up from Mobile as Bjork to see me!

I was a witch again if you couldn't tell...

I'm so glad we got to stay out all night like the good ole days. :)

Last weekend also held the Birmingham Dia de los Muertos festival downtown!

The memorials and artwork were so breathtakingly beautiful.

It felt like the entire city was there that night.

There was food, drinks, artwork, sugar skull face painting and several amazing performances.

It's one of my favorite Birmingham events out of the whole year.

Ugh, sorry some pictures were blurry, but still so mesmerizing!

An ode to the legendary Sun Ra

Sculptures in the center of the graveyard.

The Dalai Lama in Birmingham!

Hunter and I had the amazing opportunity to hear the 14th Dalai Lama speak in Birmingham, at Regions Field for "An Afternoon with His Holiness" during Human Rights Week.

Here, he is seen with Mayor William Bell.

It was a wonderfully enlightening and moving speech on celebrating oneness, peace, and all the ways that we, as humans, are similar, instead of feuding over our differences.

It was so refreshing to hear the Dalai Lama laugh and joke around throughout his presentation, and it was a day that I'll never forget.

The Birmingham monks creating a beautiful mandala in honor of the Dalai Lama's visit

The "Jolly" Lama outside of Good People Brewing Company

The Dalai Lama also spoke at the University of Alabama at Birmingham (as seen above with his UAB visor, haha), the Alabama Theatre, and 16th Street Baptist Church (pictured below) during his visit.

I'm sorry, please forgive me, but I couldn't resist.

Mayor Bell with Dalai Lama, Mayor Bell with actual llama.

Plus, I find it extremely amusing that the bottom photo is on Mayor Bell's Wikipedia page.

Mom's Surprise 40th Birthday Party!

I am so glad that my family and I were able to pull off throwing my mom a surprise party for her 40th birthday this year! I could hardly keep the secret this long. My mom is a wonderful and hardworking woman and she really deserves to have all of her friends and family together to celebrate.

It was 70s and 80s themed, so I just wore some of my normal clothes, haha.

(Mom was told that she was going to an 80s themed charity gala)

Cake in her favorite colors!

Mom and Grandma posing in front of my makeshift "photo booth"

my family *sigh*

Mom's turn on the bull!

A favorite moment from the evening

(aka old people/dads love dressing up for any reason; I guarantee you'll never see this much enthusiasm and participation at any college-age costume party)

Hunter taking the bull by the horns like a pro...

;)

Mom and Poppa!

Red Pearl!

First, dinner was amazing.

Eggrolls, pan-fried pork dumplings, egg and seaweed soup and mongolian beef

And I got this little cat bowl for Sylvia's water from the market side.

She loves her new bowl!

Then, I got to grab some of my favorite international snacks :)

Trip to Sloss Furnace with the Office

For Employee Appreciation Week at my work, the Communications and Creative Group took a day trip to Sloss Furnace. We learned a lot about history, the process of making iron, and the rumors of ghosts (my favorite part of the tour).

Plus, it's so picturesque, I had to take a few shots.

The origin of "pig" iron

Lunch downtown at El Barrio! Tamarind margs and shrimp quesadilla.

A little souvenir :)

Friday

Wore some of my favorite jewelry with my favorite dress this week.

I picked up this amazing turquoise ring (right) on a trip to Golden Temple in Five Points.

The bracelet and rings on the right were my grandmother's.

I also got some crystals to put in my room, along with more of these 7-day candle from Mi Pueblo on Greensprings. I can't resist anything with a black cat on it. :)

So here are some prints I've gotten to hang in my house!

The picture above was a gift from my mom, 

The AMAZING Stevie Nicks print was from Etsy,

And the astronomy diagram is a large print from Urban Outfitters.

Got a great vintage-looking postcard to put on my fridge.

I also picked up my favorite cookies from Mi Pueblo, strawberry Hello Panda!!

Cooked at a friend's!

An old favorite:

pan-fried tofu, squash, zucchini, spinach, tomatoes, onions with soy sauce over quinoa and garlic 

Friday

Selfie for good-lash days like this one

(using L'Oreal Telescopic in Carbon Black)

At work, we got the opportunity to hear Bill Baxley and Doug Jones give one of the most moving presentations I've ever seen, highlighting their work in successfully prosecuting the perpetrators of the 16th St Baptist Church bombing in 1963. I am so grateful that the leaders at HealthSouth arranged for them to speak on their reflection of progress in our city. These men are true heroes, among many heroes in the Civil Rights era, and I am so glad we could to meet them. My heart is so full! Fifty Years Forward indeed.

(pictured right) the response letter from former Attorney General to a racist bafoon who criticized his work in Alabama.

Loving these colors.

Red/white striped 3/4 length t-shirt from Urban Outfitters

Olive green cargo vest from Old Navy

Gold bow ring from Madewell

Gold arrow necklace from World Market

Tiny (fake) diamond/gold midi ring from rue21

Ugh my phone wouldn't focus, but I just got this at Target, I've been using it all week. 

*Fingers crossed*

Where I've Been:

I haven't posted all weekend. But can you blame me? This is where I spent my labor day weekend:

My boyfriend's family has a condo in Orange Beach, so he and I visit all the time if we ever need to take a breather from real life, which is really useful sometimes. I'm getting spoiled.

I didn't take any pictures of food, are you proud? But I did get a shot of this lovely lady in the Waffle House at Orange Beach where Hunter and I ate greasy food and danced and sang to southern songs we played on the jukebox.