Tinder-Benders on I Am The F-Bomb!

Please check out my piece on Tinderisms, up now on I Am The F-Bomb!

http://www.iamthefbomb.com/personal-story-tinder-benders/

Here's some excerpts:

Maybe it’s the simplicity of it, or the fact that it could be the most perfect social experiment, but it does raise many questions and conundrums.

Why does it have to be so absolute? I’m on this site because I have a problem with commitment, so why am I forced to make an unalterable decision right this second? Yes could lead to a few different scenarios, no would lose that person presumably forever. WHAT IF I’M SWIPING LEFT TO MY SOULMATE?

Here’s the normal anxiety-ridden scenario I face on a daily basis:
Do I like him? Yes or no? Can I put maybe? Can you ask me in like a month when I’m desperate and my standards have been significantly lowered?

He’s hot, but he also seems to really love tribal tattoos and cargo shorts. Can I look past these things because he is actually hot?

Or can he grow a beard – is there potential for a beard? Does he have chest hair? Can I ask him if he has chest hair?

Generally, the profiles you see will constitute a big, fat NOPE in your brain. The app is mostly useful in figuring out what you DON’T like. Or things you thought you didn’t like, but are willing to overlook at this point in your life.

[...]

In my experience with my “matches,” or a dude I’ve swiped right to, who has also swiped right to me, I’d say about 40% of them are freakin’ gross. Like right off the bat, “wanna bang?” (which is a FAR more tame version of some messages I’ve been sent) What the heck, NO?

I feel like I do a pretty good job in weeding out the creeps, but it doesn’t matter if you find a nice, respectable young gentleman smiling next to his maw-maw, he’s still going to be a totally disrespectful weirdo.

Usually, you match with someone and you don’t say anything. Ever. The dude’s profile is just chillin’ there in your arsenal of validation.

I’m old fashioned about my 21st century dating apps, so I expect a guy to message me first. But, I am a modern career woman and I don’t have time for this chivalry, so I need to figure out the perfect ice-breaking line to reel ‘em in. I was thinking, “I don’t have herpes!” That should work.

 

Except, one guy sent me a joke and I didn’t get it and I was embarrassed so I blocked him. I’m sorry, dude.

Here’s some trends I have observed in using the app for about two weeks.

Swipe left for any guy who “lives life to the fullest” or lists “working out” as a hobby.

To guys with pictures and no description: are u tryin 2b mysterious~ or ~aloof~? v cool guy~ ur 2cool4tinder~

A plethora of “positive vibes.” Okay what the hell is a vibe? ~whoa brah, yer vibe man, totally negative man; tubular; gnarly~

First Piece on I Am The F-Bomb!

This is my first contributing piece on I Am The F-Bomb, a Birmingham-based feminist blog that features many amazing women writers who I'm honored to be featured with!

My post is called "Rape Culture at UAB." It highlights the shortcomings, myths, and resources surrounding sexual assault on campus, specifically at my alma mater, the University of Alabama at Birmingham. It also features a short documentary by two amazing film students and a lot of facts and links.

Excerpt:

Does UAB have a rape culture problem? In short, yes. I would wager that very campus does. Download the Yik Yak app or go to a frat party and you’ll hear a plethora of rape jokes and misogynistic statements being tossed around nonchalantly, adding to the victim blaming and trivialization of sexual assault and inevitably encourages women to not report their attack.

Rape culture at UAB becomes a huge problem when its own police force perpetuates it. My first encounter with the UAB Police Department was a female officer at an on-campus Take Back The Night event for SURVIVORS to share their stories, jumping up and scolding young women for “walking around alone at night” and “wearing headphones” when walking on campus. Additionally, on the UABPD’s website, there is a page titled, “Date Rape”  with a lot of problematic wording on it that makes my skin crawl.

[...]

Excuse me, but where is the section for men? Did I miss the part where the UABPD told men, “Hey, if you see a girl passed out on the couch, she legally cannot consent to sex!” or “Just because you take a girl out, even if she kisses you, or flirts with you, even if she’s had sex with you or anyone else a billion times before, does not mean that sex with her should be owed or expected.”

I think that campus safety tips are important, but the UABPD does not realize that women have these cautious behaviors engrained in our every move due to a society that not only ignores, but often condones sexual assault. It is more important to provide useful information instead of judgmental wording.

Click here to read more:
http://www.iamthefbomb.com/rape-culture-at-uab/